Our regularly scheduled Saturday foreplay became irregular this morning, with both Shooter and Bushwacker respecting the time a little too much, misremembering the start time as 0600 rather than 0610. A bewildered Tanked Up watched from his car as PAX would randomly show up and take off in different directions. This “respecting the time” would become a bit of a theme for Bushwacker, who kept an especially strict eye on his watch for the entirety of today’s beatdown.
Warm-Up: SSH, Seal Jacks, IC x 25 / 10 8-Count Bodybuilders / Windmills, IW’s, Hillbillies, IC x 15 / 10 8-Count Bodybuilders / Mountain Climbers, IC x50.
The Thang:
First stop this morning would be the gazebo for a COP. Everybody grab your ankles and hold, while each PAX does 10 monkey humpers, rotating around the circle. x2. T-Claps to Chewy who, as usual, demonstrated perfect form. (No one asked if this came from excessive practice.) Around this time a drone began circling overhead, presumably sent by Captain Sparkles to get some aerial footage of the PAX for F3 Nation’s front page. What could be better advertisement for F3 than a group of monkey-humping PAX? Move over, Milkshakers!
Next up, derkin wave. Tank, being the indomitable beast that he is, suggested 10 derks per man while PAX holds declined plank, so we got to it. After one round, YHC felt we still had a little left in the tank, pun intended, so we rotated once more with a single derkin per man.
Final gazebo wave was an Al Gore hold while each man performed 10 squat jumps. Quick 10 count and onward to the sloppy field for….
BOMBS! Partner up, P1 runs to the previously-coined “headless penis” and back to relieve P2, who began the work of accumulating the following totals: 50x Burpees, 100x Overhead Claps, 150x Merkins, 200x Big-boy Sit-ups, 250x Squats. At this point, the Wacker, who was a thorn in my side throughout the beatdown, gave his own disclaimer: sit-ups are not good for you, military institutions have abandoned them, yada-yada-yada. YHC briefly toyed with the idea of increasing the sit-up total, but our resident physical therapist stepped up, explaining how to use slower, more controlled movements to decrease the chances of injury, and so the attempted mutiny was quashed. Modify if necessary, people.
This one took a bit longer than expected, with all the running back and forth adding a decent chunk to our RRR totals, and so we didn’t have much time to do the planned third pearl of this morning’s beatdown. However, despite Bushwacker’s increasingly desperate pleas to turn back, YHC figured we could at least complete part one of that pearl.
So, keep your partners, and mosey onward to the far side of the bridge. P1 performs 4×4’s (burpees with 4 merkins, and 4 mountain climbers per leg), while P2 bear crawls forward down and backwards back up the bridge. Flapjack.
Finally, pull Bushwacker off the ledge (literally, of the bridge), and mosey back to the flag to find Turtle, looking way too clean in a sparkling white t-shirt. With Turtle jeering us on: Leg Raises, IC x20, Putins IC x 20, and… “Lob Lollies,” IC x 15.
Countdown, nameorama, and Manny prayed us out. Onward to the coffetería, where it should be noted that our faithful barista, who has put up with both the smell and disorderly conduct of the PAX for well over a year of Saturdays, is finally moving on to better things. We wish him luck (and better tippers).
Thanks PAX, I had a great time this morning – always appreciate the opportunity to lead you men!
