I saw Nip/Tuck had the Q this morning at the Birdcage. Knowing that he is currently incapacitated, I nobly tucked my long-sleeve Perlis shirt into my searsucker shorts, grabbed a braided belt, slid my bare feet into a pair of loafers and headed Uptown. Someone needed to step up and Q the workout and this provided a perfect time to reconnect with my Uptown friends and talk about the good times we had last Wednesday night at the Gnarly Nutria.
Upon my arrival there were lots of rumors and innuendo regarding Nip/Tuck’s unfortunate fall on the very dark and lonely part of the Audubon Park Loop when Cowbell was the only person near him. Let me repeat that it was only coincidence that Nip/Tuck won the Gnarly Nutria last year and suffered an unfortunate injury this year. Having said that, Barcrawl should probably stay home next year.
The Thang
The Birdcage and Burpees have a long history. This is where Mr. Awesome famously started a workout on April 1st telling the Pax that they were going to do 100 burpees. They actually only did 25 at the time, but ended up completing 100 over the course of the workout. It’s also where Bounty Hunter brought us his #SuddenChange workout from North Carolina, a scourge that has infested Louisiana similar to other nasty imports like Formosan Termites and Nutria. Lastly it is where OBT did a redux of his “Shock and Awe” burpee slaughter starter at the GrowRuck weekend convergence.
My hope was to continue the tradition by starting the workout with 100 burpees. It’s no fun to do 100 burpees on your own, so we split them into manageable chunks and did them together (there is a life lesson there).
Warmup:
- 20 Burpees OYO
- IW x 25; Windmills x 10; Good Mornings x 10
- Burpees EMOM for 6 minutes. Sets were 12, 12, 12, 12, 10, 10 – That made for 360 seconds worth of burpees, but as everyone Uptown knows – 360 is not enough. We needed to do more.
- Parker Peter x 25; Plank Jacks x 25; Peter Parker x 30 (This is the plank series made World Famous by Bubba and Rudy. I hate it.)
- 12 Burpees OYO – That makes 100 total. I have a math degree from Arkansas State.
We took an extremely short mosey (insert joke about Uptowners not liking to travel far here) and circled up to do some work using the World’s three favorite digits: 3-6-3.
All exercises started with 3 super slow reps, 4 count going down, 4 count going back up, 4 count going down again and then holding that position until I called it. Then we did 6 normal cadence reps, followed by 3 more super slow reps. We did one set of this with each of the following exercises:
- Merkins
- Squats
- Wide Merkins
- Plie Squats (A Shorty favorite)
- Diamond Merkins
- Sissy Squats – stand on toes, cross arms over chest and squat as you lean back as far as you can. This is the first time I had ever done this exercise and it is a burner. I like it. I promise I did not pick it out based on the name. There is nothing sissy about The Birdcage. The Skinny however….
Next I had to modify. Seems like all of the road construction uptown over the past 10 years has finally made it to the park. I wanted to incorporate the bandstand into Dora 1-2-3, but it was sealed off so we used the picnic tables under the pavilion instead.
Dora 363 – one partner performs the exercise while the other runs a short loop (another spot for a staying close to home joke) jumping over two picnic tables and returning to their partner. Each team worked to complete the following reps:
- LBCs – 363
- Frog Squats – 242 (These are like Monkey Humpers without the humiliation of grabbing your ankles)
- Merkins – 121 (Frog Squats + Merkins = 363…Yet another instance where my Math Degree from Arkansas State has proved invaluable.
We were about 30 seconds from wrapping up the workout when G-Spot and El Wire bailed sending some finger gestures my way and telling me where I could go. Seaman assured me that I should not be offended and that this is a type of Uptown salute that I myself should provide to people when I leave. After that we sprinted to the flag where Jadaveon re-enacted the scene from the Gnarly Nutria where he sprinted by me and gave me the Usain Bolt stare down.
We wrapped up with an explanation of F3 for our FNG, naming the FNG Pony Boy for absolutely no reason at all, an announcement about the Power Mile this Saturday, thanks to God, and prayers for a speedy and healthy recovery for Nip/Tuck.
Moleskin
T-claps to all of the guys Uptown. They are good sports and they put up with my excessive obnoxiousness. In all seriousness, what happened to Nip/Tuck last week sucks and we all hope for his speedy and healthy recovery. Not only do we miss him, but he makes everyone of us better. Thanks for the opportunity to Q today, it was fun.
